It's all about me. And the little things.

I am a big believer in four-letter words, such as cake. Here's what happens in my life.

Apr 13

Week 27: Rain Check

I had the flu so I’ve been asleep since Wednesday. My brain has not yet woken up so there won’t be a card this week. 


Apr 6

Week 26: Your Mom

I’m going out on a limb here, but what if this is the one question (or what if these are the two questions) we need to ask ourselves before making a decision?

and/or


Mar 30

Week 25: Oprah

Last week, I introduced some nifty little cards that can help you with all your revenge plotting needs. Now, we’re going back to pre-revenge activities.
It’s spring. It’s time for love. (It’s also time for allergies, but let’s focus on the fun things, shall we?)

 

I hope this card makes sense.
If not, here is some light reading for your coffee break.


PS: Dear Oprah Winfrey, in case you are reading this: It’s a compliment.


Mar 16

Week 23 & 24: Elegant Revenge

I like every little card I post, but I’m particularly excited for this batch. I think it’s gonna become a series. (Warning: Strong language ahead.)

We’ve all met our fair share of assholes, idiots, bitches, bastards, cunts, fucktards, and cheaters, haven’t we? The ones who haven’t called back, who played us, got the best of us, treated us like shit, and ripped out pieces of our little hearts and threw them into the blender.
We should have done God knows what to them.
But for some reason we didn’t. Or we did, but not enough.
We missed the chance to make a scene to remember.

Oh the agony!

Fortunately, it’s never to late for revenge. Especially, if it’s elegant revenge.
All you need is a card (uhm, see below), a stamp and the person’s address. Preferably, the address of his or her office. Or the dorm. Or the gym. Or the parents. The more people have access to the mail, the better.
Because postcards.
As we all know, postcards are awesome. Not just because I make them, but because they are not in an envelope. Everyone (mail person, assistants, managers, friends, wives, husbands, colleagues, etc.) can see what’s on the front (and the back).

Exhibit A: 

Imagine if you found Exhibit A on the desk of your co-worker. Makes for some good gossip, doesn’t it? Even if nobody else sees the card, the receiver of said piece of mail will never know who knows how much. 
Good luck trying to rectify and explain - no matter how made up the witty postcard is.

Cue slightly sweaty and unsettling panic that will never go away.

High Five! 

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you my new series that will be called something along the lines of ”If you fuck with me, I’ll send you a postcard.”

 


Mar 9

Week 22: Life Savers

FYI: I’m on Spring Break, which means that I’m writing this naked while doing body shots. Later today, I will frolic along the beach, catch some crabs, get a tattoo  and win a wet t-shirt contest.  

Anyhow. Back to business.
I’m all about making life easier for y’all. Even though I’m pretty much shooting myself in the foot by saying this, but this week’s cards are basically the only cards you’ll ever need.

Let’s look at Exhibit Number 1, shall we?

Since Text & Copy wasn’t around last year, you probably wrote all kinds of cards for all kind of festive occasions. Now, all you do is send this beauty here.
(Let’s face it, we hardly ever re-invent the wheel when we write holiday cards, do we?)




Wanna be even more minimalistic yet still come across as a caring and loving person? Then Exhibit Number 2 covers pretty much all your festive-card-needs.

Send it off once a year. Done.
And now, think of all the time I just saved you.

 



PS: I apologize to anyone who expected a post about candy.


Mar 2

Week 21: Seven Billion

I feel painfully uninspired today so I couldn’t decide what to write about which card. (Believe it or not, I do have a rather fancy editorial calendar for all of this so it’s actually a tad less random than it looks.)

It’s time for some advice.
Do you know Humans of New York? It’s a lovely photography project and now also a NYT bestelling book. Brandon, the HONY photographer, always talks to the people he takes pictures of and not only are they all incredibly photogenic, their answers are always funny, smart, and thought-provoking.
One of the questions he often asks is what piece of advice they would give to a large group of people.

Here’s one of my answers:image

(I know that there are slightly more than 7 billion people on this planet. But considering how many of them we’ll actually meet, I think we’re fine with a nice and even ballpark figure. In case you want to count yourself into a coma, knock yourself out here.)


Feb 23

Week 20: How To Get Lucky Twice

We’re already celebrating 20 weeks of Cardapalooza, y’all! (One would think that after 20 weeks, I could have come up with a better name than “Cardapalooza”. Oh well.)

I’ve been working on a second edition of the widely popular and very sexy Lucky Cards. They will probably be ready for the object of your affection some time in April. Until then, I will give you a glimpse of what you can look forward to: 

I think this is the perfect card to get lucky not just once, but twice. First, you probably score a free drink because nobody can resist such a promising announcement. Then, well… you know, you “have to” put your money where your mouth is and go to town.


Feb 16

Week 19: Threesome

After being all romantic and shit with last week’s card, we’ll make an elegant 180 degree turn this week.
Of course there is a lot of (currently) uncovered card-ground between being so in love that you poop glittery rainbows, and being someone whose life possibly inspired Helen Fielding to write about Bridget Jones and her diary.
But for dramatic purposes, just bear with me for now, will ya?

Card #19 is  is dedicated to everyone who did not have a (Valentine’s Day) weekend full of hot and steamy sexy time.

image


Feb 9

Week 18: Valentine’s Day

It’s time for some fucking romance:


Feb 2

Week 17: Hugs & Puppies

I made a card.
Then I realized that it’s Super Bowl Weekend and thought that I should make a Super Bowl Weekend-related card.
And then I could think of exactly nuttin’… until I had an epiphany.

Maybe the original card is the perfect contribution to a weekend filled with a range of emotions, accompanied by a lot of yelling, too much booze, not enough snacks and possible double-dipping incidents.


 

Oh and it’s also kind of a big weekend for a lot of cute puppies: There’s the Puppy Bowl, of course. And Budweiser’s Puppy Love commercial.
Yes, we’re gonna feel all the emotions.


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